Expectation Management

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,

Tra la la la laaaa, la la la la.

‘Tis the season to be – well, a bit overwhelmed and grumpy, actually, since you ask. Christmas cards, presents, food, decorations, remembering a thousand and one things for school, the same annoying Christmas songs being played on the radio over and over again – a few days before Christmas, my mind is whirling, I’m tired, and I just want to lie down on a comfy sofa somewhere in front of a fire reading the Christmas Radio Times and nibbling on chocolate tree decorations. Is that really so much to ask?

This week in particular, I’ve felt that I’m in a vortex. I know that the world won’t come to an end if I don’t get all my Christmas cards done and put my clean clothes mountain away, but the knowledge that my to-do list is getting longer by the minute as time races on is gnawing away at my sense of contentment.

I’m cross with myself for feeling like this because as a Christian, I don’t believe that this is how Christmas should be. These past few weeks, I’ve had glimpses of peace and joy and compassion shining through all the noise and bustle. Sitting at the candlelit carol service on Sunday, I sang the words that promise peace on earth, the fulfilment of prophecies, a baby born to refugees in a busy town, starlit streets. No mention of tinsel or snow or elves, on shelves or elsewhere.

  

I’m a member of the ACW, a fine organisation which, amongst other things, sends me an email every morning with a blog written by one of the members. A couple of days ago, this was by Georgina Tennant, a writer I admire enormously. She wrote wittily and movingly about what she calls Expectation Management. With her permission, I’m quoting the first two paragraphs which had me sitting up straight and shouting, “Yes!” at my laptop screen.

“My friend and I have coined a term which is helping us to navigate the ups and downs of family life – Expectation Management. We remind each other of it frequently, particularly at times when our expectations are in danger of running away with us. We look forward to special days, birthdays, Christmases and holidays – but it is dawning on us both that Expectation Management is essential for these times.

The trouble is that we are victims of our own high expectations as we envisage the most wonderful of days, our Mary Poppins-like selves swirling and singing amongst our children, offering them home-baked wares and fun without ceasing. They, in turn, will listen to every sweet-sounding word we utter, offer their siblings first choice in all things and skip home, to head straight to bed with no need for toenail cutting, three extra drinks, five snacks and seven stories. Reality, as you can well imagine, never matches up – not even nearly.” You can read the whole blog here: https://morethanwriters.blogspot.com/2019/12/expectation-management-for-advent-by.html

And there it is – nothing matches up to those high expectations. Perfection in all things is a message which is hurled at us the second Bonfire Night is over. The right presents, wrapped beautifully, the perfect Christmas dinner served to a harmonious group of family and friends, rosy-cheeked children, tidy house and so on and so forth. Everything will be all right, we’re assured, as long as we buy lots of stuff from the correct shop.

I am in danger of sounding a bit Scrooge-ish. I love Christmas. I love being with my family. Presents are great and I even like some Christmas songs. But as we come to the end of 2019, here’s my resolution. No more being bamboozled by the wrapping paper and ribbons. Look at what lies beneath.

A very Merry Christmas to you all!

 

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