Imagine that!

I started this blog on 5^th November 2019. Back then, I had no idea that pretty soon I’d be throwing around ten-dollar phrases such as “lock down”, “social distancing” and “self-isolation.” Did you know that Covid-19 has created a whole new vocabulary? What would you call someone who ignores the guidelines and goes out to an illegal rave, having first bought up all the loo rolls at their local supermarket? Why, a covidiot, of course! Social get-togethers conducted on Zoom are covideo parties and the long-term strategy for leaving the pandemic behind is covexit. Even Cockney rhyming slang has got in on the act, as in, “I think he might be suffering from a mild dose of Miley Cyrus.”

 

We’ve all found ourselves in a different kind of life this year. As we head out of November and into the month that would normally be characterised by frantic shopping and googling of recipes for chestnut stuffing, I thought I’d entertain you with our old friend, the Top Five List. No theme, as such, because sometimes it really is all about the giggles. These are things which have made me laugh over the last few months and heaven knows, we could all do with a few more smiles in our lives, dear readers. So, in no particular order, here they are: 

1.   Some years after the rest of the world, I’ve discovered Spotify. I also got a Bluetooth speaker for my birthday. This means I can play music while I wash up and put piles of clothes away, which is lots of fun. The other day, I was doing some dull chore in the kitchen and singing along to Jimi Hendrix. My son was next door on an online college course. I was delighted when he appeared, frowning, and hissed at me, “Can you keep that music down, please! I’m trying to work.” A massive parenting win.

2.    I am the reason that Dundee-based author Wendy H Jones can boast that she’s ACW’s[1] most stolen writer. Back in 2018 on my first ever Writers’ Day, I purchased a vast pile of books from the bookstore run by Wendy and accidentally trousered one of her DI Shona McKenzie murder mysteries. I have since paid her back, honest guv.

3.   Back in the early part of the summer, I had to ring up a local estate agent about letting out my mother in law’s house. We got chatting and I told her I’m self-employed. “Oh really? And whereabouts in the house do you work?” she enquired. “On the bed, mostly,” I replied in all innocence. Because I do. You know, writing. On my laptop. Propped up on a pile of cushions looking out of the window. She fell about laughing and too late, I realised that I had given her the impression that I was employed in the oldest profession.

4.   My eldest son is the drummer in a heavy metal band. He started lock down with very short, sharp hair and one T-shirt with a picture of a hair metal band on the front. As I write in the last week of November, he has long hair which he’s been growing for nine months, a vast selection of metal-themed clothing and an Instagram page for the band. (Black Alice Official, if you’re interested. It’s loud. Very loud. Just warning you if you’re feeling frail). The other night, he fired up a YouTube clip of a Mötley Crüe concert. Half rock chick, half middle-aged mother, I found myself gazing at Mick Mars (one of the guitarists), tutting and saying, “Those heels won’t do his back any good.” In my defence, I should say that poor Mick suffers from ankylosing spondylitis and really shouldn’t be wearing anything apart from a pair of fleece-lined moccasins.

5. My fifth hilarious fact bears repeating. Sharp-eyed readers will remember that I mentioned the whole cat clothing business back in October in, “I Never Thought I’d See the Day.” Never, no, not in a million years or so, would I have believed you if you’d told me that I would be trying to dress a reluctant kitten in a navy-blue Babygro (for medical reasons). And I speak as a veteran of the mummy wars, a woman who used to wrestle toddlers into clothes each and every morning. Now that SpayGate is over and done and Misty’s fur is growing back, our usual affectionate relationship is back in place. I found myself holding her like a baby in my arms the other day and saying, “Who’s that pretty girl?” to our reflection in the mirror, using exactly the same voice I employed on my actual baby girl, back in the day. I know. Crazy! 

So, there we are. Five fun facts which I hope have made you chuckle this week. Thank you for reading what I write and commenting on it.  

I’m going to be publishing the blog every two weeks from now on, as my writing life is getting very busy. My novel, The Diary of Isabella M Smugge, is being published in February and I’ve got lots of writing on the go. Thank you all for your support. I’m a real-life writer. Imagine that!

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[1] Association of Christian Writers